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Well over three-quarters of the audience had reached a similar state as the bandwagon for Gump took over. The tackiest moment comes during the "In Memoriam" section, where the announcements of the deaths are received by applause of quite embarrassing variations of enthusiasm.By the end of the evening we are exhausted from jet lag, nervous tension, and, let's be frank, downright disappointment. There are of course other moments of delight: Tim Rice thanking Denis Compton, a joke hugely appreciated by maybe 20 of us; Letterman asking Tom Hanks whether it would have killed him to have worn a tie; Hugh Grant bringing some much needed charm to the proceedings; and Jessica Lange's tribute to Tony Richardson. We thought we were on the start of a roll but it was the climax.

The ceremony's totally geared to TV; even the presenter, David Letterman, is exclusively a TV star.The highlight of the evening is a golden period of no more than five minutes when Channel 4 wins an Oscar for Bob's Birthday, the animated short, and Ken Adam and Carolyn Scott for art direction on Madness. The inside is decorated with Masonic symbols presumably understood by top Hollywood executives. This is a company town and, welcomed though we are, we are the outsiders. We arrive at The Shrine, a Freemasons' hall which seats 6,000. It seems there is only one film for the night - Forrest Gump all the way. Still, strange things can happen.Limousine arrives at 3pm, for a ceremony four miles away starting at 6pm.